There is something freeing about vulnerability, and I’m going to walk in that freedom today.
For a long while I walked through what I often referred to as a “winter season”. I am thankful that during the cold, lonely, slightly devastating season I had friends who walked through it with me, just like the verse above says “The devoted themselves to teaching, fellowship, and the breaking of bread.” Community is good, and it’s necessary.
There were moments during this past season where I felt like it would never end, and I had to deal with emotions, insecurities, and lies that I had let control my heart for far too long. Even in the lowest moments I walked slowly and steadily through, even when my prayers felt like they sat unanswered, I kept going, not because i’m a strong person but because I was grasping onto a hope that seasons end, they change, and new ones come.
The beautiful thing about the Lord is that He is sovereign over winter seasons, even in the moments when you don’t want to believe He is.
“From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.” -Isaiah 64:4
I love that verse so much. There’s a lot of waiting for me right now, and that’s hard for an impatient, Type A person. Yet, we have a God that’s working in the waiting. He’s using every season to grow, stretch, mold and shape us into His image.
This summer has been one of the most exciting and beautiful seasons I’ve experienced in a long time. I walked into the summer exhausted in every area of my life, I felt like I was swimming against a strong current, constantly moving, yet making no progress. My prayers and study of scripture felt more like an obligation. Has anyone else been there?
I kept coming back to God’s faithfulness, there were reminders everywhere of how He had been faithful in my life before, so wouldn’t He continue to be faithful again? I knew it was true, but my head was slower to catch up.
God did come through though, even after I doubted. I accepted a new position at my job, made deeper friendships with wonderful women God has brought into my life, and most importantly there was a renewed passion and love for the Lord. I am so thankful.
There was a song I heard around the same time all of those exciting changes happened, an old school song from Bethany Dillon. These words spoke to my broken heart, the part that likes to control, and the one desperate to feel once again the joy of Christ in everything.
My heart’s discouraged, So I come to You expectant. You say You’re good to those who wait. Lord, today You know what I need to do, but You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do. So I won’t run anymore. I’m waiting on You. Oh, my soul, Wait upon the Lord. Keep your lamp filled with oil. Oh, my soul,Be not deceived! Wait for Him. Don’t be quick to leave.
You know, it’s okay to have seasons that are cold, lonely, and dark. It’s also okay to admit it. The sweetest part of this season was that I didn’t have to walk through it all alone, but in reality admitting that life was hard to navigate began the process of freedom. That’s the beauty of community, and that’s why Biblical community works. When you get in a circle with other believers, admit strongholds in your life, celebrate the joyful moments, study scripture and pray together amazing things happen.
I wouldn’t have been able to tell you 4 months ago that my winter would end the way it did, but God is good and He never leads us down a path, or into a season that He has not already gone before us in. THAT is a faithful father, He is always working for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Press on, dear friends and find community.
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